前几天，是圣诞节我放工正答巴士回家，
然后隔壁坐位作了个外国男生，
巴士开到途中，他就转身过来问我问题，
我就啦掉耳朵里的播放的卢广仲音乐的音响，
我说： ‘huh?'
他说：‘Does this bus go to pasir panjang?''
我说： ‘No, no, no, no...'
手还不停的挥。
那个男生就非常信任我的下车了。毫不犹豫的。瓦涩！
其实我并不知道pasir panjang在哪里，
路途上我还一直感到内疚，是我害了他。
在巴士上常常遇到好心人，这倒是真的。
有两次，我坐到别人的旁边，
听着音乐我就不知觉的双手紧扣，盖这手背。
旁边的人就站起来帮我移开冷气口。我是真的吓到。
这样的事情还发生两次。
路途上我还一直感到内疚，其实我没有很冷啊。
很遗憾，也曾有过ah peh 让位给我坐，
而且还拒绝给别人坐。
可能是我长得瘦的关系。有点内疚。
撇开搭巴士的事情不说，
还有在工作的地方，长长有人照顾我，
我真的觉得我老板他是个好人。
哈哈！
让我就算生病了也不好意思请假。
今早，我想了两小时才把病假托口而出。
哈哈，真是的。
看着我老板工作时的态度，和在巴士上跟他聊天，
我觉得人生就是不断的学习，
学习如何谦虚，对待别人要真心，对待自己要诚实，
有时候我希望我能做他的女儿(哈哈哈哈哈哈)。
更有一个朋友/同事，
认识她是一种启发。
她对待工作永远热诚，态度非常积极正面，
周末的时间统统拿去做义工，
对於金钱的看法非常健康非常正面。
所以，或许我的工作非常辛苦，
身边总是有这些人一直提醒我，
工作一定要努力，热诚。
即便自己贫穷，生活非常简单，
但是心理上，他们比我富有，
很多很多。
难怪每当看见他们时候，他们总是=)的。
最近我开始看电视，
看[一支梅]，
起初是为了看帅哥，
但是看了就让我明白：
吃得起苦中苦，方为人上人。
好久以前说想写一篇关于一个网罗看见的男生的文章，
现在就要实现了。
是第一届快乐星期天歌唱比赛的冠军，
这个男生一得冠就放弃当歌手，那拿了钱就继续过自己的大学生活：韦礼安
我只能说我也很喜欢他的人，
士因为他是这样才喜欢他唱出的东西。
one free spirited youth, one mesmerising voice.
他远超过总冠军的资格。
韦礼安你要加油！You're hot!
一年多后的今天我还是喜欢你的声音。
事情发生在一个非常无聊的下午，我随便点到这个，本来想快点关窗，但是。。但是，
却被他的真诚他的声音他的表情给感动了。我感受得到快乐又温暖的泪。那时比林
宥嘉来得更早的感动。
第一此选拔，非常拙。
发现他比较喜欢英语歌。
然后，因为他的权势，我喜欢上这首歌。这是总决赛第一首。
他的执着非常可爱。
这首歌让我对他彻底的刮目相看，跌破眼镜的惊喜。好坏！too many times before woowuwoo
william, you are beautiful for this song. I fell in love with this song, and remember how you sang it everytime i hear this.表情非常man，又象大便的脸。是你最吸引我的地方。
After the finals, he forgo the opportunity to become a full fledge singer and stayed away from the media. He still rides his bic to campus everyday and returned to being a student. This is a special person who is after his passion for music, and not for fame or money. And that is why, 一年后的今天，我依然非常喜欢韦礼安这个人。
****
前个礼拜，
我在工作上遇见很久以前的华文老师。
我想她已经不记得我了。
面对老师讲解药物真的感觉怪怪的。
原来老师也会生病。
人人都会生病。
家人也有可能。所以我更注重健康。
想到家人，
我发现弟弟比我更懂得如何关心家人，
所以也不停听到他在‘酸’我。
Monday, December 29
人
Monday, December 8
Friday, December 5
冷落部落格之对不起
最近
什么都不做
只是上班吃饭搭巴士睡觉
少去朋友聚会
少逛街
也因此睡得健康
也因此忘了还有个地方让我常常记录事情的部落格。
在公司里遇到好多问题
我常常想，我很乐意帮助别人，希望当我需要帮助的时候我也可以因此得到相同的
对待。但是我错了。这个让我很失望。因为我不想失去能乐意助人的念头，但是也
不想感到失望。为什么我们在帮别人之前一定要想到自己的利益？也许人人为己也
是为了生存。我也看清了哪个才是我真正可以交朋友的人。
有一件好事要报告：那就是我的脾气越来越好了。哈哈！
最近我开始看了一部连续剧；命中注定我爱你。
本来先看第一级就放弃了，但是现在越看越过瘾。比较成熟一点的偶像剧也比较少
冷场的表现。
最近，也出现了一个问题， 那就是： 我不知道为什么别人总是会在我很认真的时
候觉得我很好笑。
不知道为什么，
我真的不知道。
**************************
烦恼不会凭空的
*****************************************************************************
最后，放一个我跟好友最爱的歌。好友最近比较忙，都不理我了，最好是因为有男人
追才这样。嘿嘿！
-_*
Monday, November 17
happy birthday
to me.....
the past weekend has been spent on meeting up with friends for a simple dinner, we spoke for quite long and we had fun at ktv, kind of makes me fond of the way every one had their unique way of singing. After a night of dining, I had to wake up early the next sunday morning to go for a walk with my family, of which I hoped it were more exciting as we were mainly lazying around, did nothing pretty much but played around at a fitness corner while waiting for everyone else. The afternoon was spent on purposeful shopping at suntec, of which I thought it was boring too. Had a chance to sneak out of the exhibition hall alone, and went window shopping around marina square, before realising my handphone was gonna die on me soon, and met up again for dinner. Then came monday, 17 november, the day i was born, and i had to work. luckily I was in good mood, and planned for a birthday home celebration of cake eating after i went home. Mum forgot to cook my dinner so I went out for a nice dinner in a cosy restaurant and enjoyed some time alone. But when i finally bought the cake and reached home, everyone was already going to sleep... so my cake sat lonely in the fridge, and i sat lonely infront of my monitor, venting a loonelie november night on to my keyboard. Perhaps after graduating from school, we have grown independent and used to being alone. I hope I have not fell in love with being alone, but it does feel wierdly comfortable and enjoyable.
happy birthday to me.
******************************************
是谁说生活生来就要活？
是谁说难过还一定要过？
烦恼。。不会平空
不如捕捉笑声
放进耳朵
换一个角落
快乐比较多
放自己快活
One of the things I hate about being adult is to loose the courage to ask for love from the ones who we really care, the joy of being pampered and taken care by our parents. And it is during this time, we often wish we were a child again, when love comes more readily and generously.
Saturday, October 25
Sunday, October 12
friend/s
Saw my JC classmate, yet again, in the newspaper. Sunday ST life under the fashion section, look. Never knew he was into music, as he is now young (24 years only) and a manager of a couple of music-themed cafe/bar in Singapore. Good for him then, can see he is abit plump in the face now, but still in touch with topics like politics, money, business, leadership, Heh (smurk).
Sometimes, i reflect and compare myself to others, what I am doing now, my lifestyle, my relationships and my life, and I try to find the balance. What matters to me most is to have a healthy attitude and a healthy body. Everybody have individual needs for social security, love and concern, money and stability. Find the right mix and then commit to being a happy person. Isn't that easy?
Hope all my classmates are doing well in their careers and life right now.
****************************
Keep the riht attitude and it can bring you to places.
Haiz
have been doing 24hours on-call this week
which means a few things:
1. Straight home after work (which is what I so seldom do)
2. No weekends shopping/roaming(which i took 1 week to prep myself for)
3. Alert at all times (most nights the phone rang from when i walk out of workplace, on the bus, when i am eating, when i am shitting, when i am sleeping. The worst nights saw me waking up from 10pm, 12am, 1am, 2am, 3am , 4am, so i slept 1 and a half hours and woke up for work. And the worst thing was it repeated every night from monday to sunday)
4.Handle life-and-death situations at home (one night i rang everyone I could for help, and that night, I felt so helpless.)
I felt sorry when i abandonned my duck rice at the coffee shop and ran home to look for reference for a query. I felt anxious when I took a taxi home one night handling 2 life-and-death calls at the same time.
************************
My freedom will return tomorrow.
Right now, I just wish to finish my duty and sleep, really sleep.
Sunday, October 5
sartorialist
The Sartorialist Fashion Blog
been browsing through this popular fashion blog recently
selected picks for females:
i like the hair cut, the dress and the sandals
light-penetrating dress
the hair
looks comfy
nice hair cut
some important staples i found were: High heel shoes, dress, layer-layer-layer, accessorise
********************************
but i value comfort.
Monday, September 22
Friday, September 19
哈啦
忽然有一股冲动
想写写东西，打打字，说说话，
写部落格也是一种冲动吧。
有时候说些连自己觉得太无聊的东西，
有时候却发自内心写了些坦言过后会觉得太放，
写了一些肺腑之言后，过几天就会删掉，
有时候写完了读过一边觉得不是自己想表达的东西。
我只能说是我自己词穷太规矩。
很多时候在走路的时候会乱想东西天马行空，
为能想出那些东西觉得小小的自豪，
但是一回到家就马上忘。
我想，
要完全停止想象停止胡思是一件不可能的事。
想太多真的是我的弱点。
那天去听/看/问算命先生，
他也这么说我。
为什么人要通过别人才能了解自己？
也许我可以了解每一个身边的别人们，也还是完全不明白自己这个人。
匪夷所思。
算命这种东西不能常玩，觉得只能玩一次就好。
而且，玩玩过后，你必须变得更坚强去证明你自己的存在和更积极的追求你想要的
东西。绝对不能对命运屈服！Your fate lies in your hands, not in the lines
of your palm.
也许只有我才这么想把。听完讲解后又一股末名的勇气与冲动。
但是，
但是我不知道为什么评语全都是好的。
也许我真的不能想太多。
然后这几天看着同事心情低落，
精神差压力大，
也许人与人的相处真的是个莫大的考验，
每天必须面对跟应付一些言行恶劣没礼貌无理取闹的人，
还不发脾气不失自己的尊严与姿态，
我想我们快要疯了。
看过听过也体验过，
才渐渐学习什么是‘做人’的道理。
要控制自己不变成恶劣的形态很难，
压抑自己的性格跟情绪很辛苦，
一天过完为止要懂得拉回自己，把自己找回来，
烦恼想不通也至少要懂得想开。
人生就是这样了吧。
快乐是一种选择，是我的选择。
还有，忘记也是我的一大弱点。
快点，在自己还没行为思想恶化之前辞掉工作！<-这是一个玩笑。
****************************************************
Actually, I hate to conform.
Saturday, September 6
找得辛苦
如果真的被雨困住
可能就更能静下心做很多事情了
*****************************
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*
Sunday, August 31
Sunday, August 24
where.i went yesterday.
i ended work late yesterday, as usual a miserable 2 hours later than my official off-work timing, it has happened yet again, because i had no heart to turn down my colleague who switched shift with me.
And i skipped dinner the night before, and the breakfast before work, was famished.
i was raining cats and dogs.
so i walked into delifrance for a nice hearty lunch under warm orange lights and basked in the dreamy afternoon mood.
Had wanted initially to go for the Eason autograph session at Herren but it was 3.30pm when i settled down for lunch and the session starts at 4pm. No hope i guess. (PS: i have adopted a new hobby; a hobby of going for live concerts or the likes. I enjoy music much more when it is played before my eyes/ or ears to be more exact. And i am addicted to this new hobby of mine. smiles.)
I people watched until it was 4pm.
And a mad thought just occurred and I took a train nearby heading into town... Eason here I come!
When i reached, the crowd was huge already, at 4.45pm, but no sign of Eason yet... whew =) So i did some slow and big business. sorry for the details.
At 5pm, he arrived and sang a nice mandarin single from his new cartoonish looking album, alil old school. and sang another in english. I was just comfortable and relaxing to hear him croon. But i guess, i am not exactly a big fan of him... I found the session pretty funny, and he is, underneath his wire-stylish hairdo and cheeky smile, i know he is a great person. There is really no airs about him, he faces the crowd like a wide-eye curious child, easy-going and sincerely friendly, even in his black old pair of slippers. I can now understand why Yoga likes this big boy so much.
And after the evening feat, i left. And in a second, I caught sight of my lecturers (late 20s and quite cute looking) excited over eason's autographed album.... Oh manz.... so emabarrassed to see them so i sneaked away. (deep inside, i am glad that i am as human as everyone else =) i work and i play. or rather, it is the opposite) And while sneaking away, i bumped right into my colleague...she holding TWO autographed albums... wow. I am glad that there are music lovers in my workplace. And i stayed on alittle to check out her new boyfriend.
Eason was always lucky to have great lyricists for his songs. And I really admire the thinking behind those words, and how he sing them with such ... such... 从容. This has always been the greatest part of personality behind this successful star.
And i shopped at my favourite store again, checking out its new range of clothes: Litmus
I love love love those boxers, they are soooo cute. I prob buy matching pairs to keep if i have a guy partner in future... And more so, I love love love the interior design of every litmus shop. Clean white and urban. How nice it felt when i was in the changing room, with a nice yellow lamp at the corner, and i for once, removed my sandals to feel the parquet flooring similar to my room's and the nice clothes hanger and little stool for my bag. (Though I think the lamp was alittle inappropriate cos u can see shadows of figures just outside the white linen curtain.)
And i found litmus's online website for ref: www.litmusblue.com
**********************
从容
??
About 模范棒棒糖
看了棒棒糖那么久
我都是默默的，有点偷偷的看
不敢跟别人说，
因为觉得可能是不适合年龄。
但是我觉得它带给我非常多欢乐，
虽然也是偷偷的在笑。
每天的工作疲累都在看的时候揭发。
现在，
模范棒棒糖要结束了，
唯一让我又哭又笑的最后一集了。
*******************************
我一直都很欣赏敖犬，
因为他比我还跟天蝎个性，
我完全嘹。
天蝎座的人很重感情，神秘其实是为了隐藏内心，不怎么说话的时候其实是在读别
人的心情，了解别人的个性，又偏偏不到关头不会成人对别人的关心，死爱面子。
对很多事情都很极端，喜欢可以爱到没命，讨厌就完全隔离不给任何机会， 从来没
有中间这回事。
我还是第一次看见那么天蝎个性的天蝎座人，真的。
通常天蝎座的人都不喜欢让人知道吧！
想到我以后再也看不到ELMO的locking舞蹈，小煜冷酷的眼神，小竭跟敖犬完美的双
人舞，翰疆好疆的乱讲，阿威的方块脸装帅笑容，TERRY很MAN的身材跟香港话，李
权的打鼓。。。
*******************
就象敖犬讲的：
很夸张，
快要没了。
Favourites playback:
黑角真的好强.拼了！
Elmo is undeniably genius!
locking champion:
帅！I love slow best!! more than locking or popping or house or tectronic.
terry
不知道为什么我很迷小煜？？
累积回忆是吧！
Wednesday, August 20
Saturday, August 16
The long awaited Sodagreen concert之陪我歌唱
我等这天就等了很久。
一张满是签名的入门票也不耐烦的等在我钱包里。
时不时，偷看。
2 August 2009
我就跟好友一起走进演唱会场地。
非常非常绿呀，哈哈。
So it began.
I love the way it began. With snap shots of the city, lyrics of 城市 flashing in qingfeng's handwritting across the screen, and his cold clammy voice, reading about the monotony and restlessness of a city life. Then, one huge splash of water drop filled the screen in sync with the piano solo of 无与伦比的美丽 introduction.
从头到尾只有一个字：美丽
A swift change of lights and a rocker disco mood drowned the entire place,as I stood up after my friend (who has more experience in such events) and rocked to the beat. Yeah~ I love the fast rock tunes. It didn't matter if we haven't been so high before cos the people behind us were more crazy. ROCKER!!
I am sincerely amazed at his voice. Simply.
And i cannot accurately grasp his personailty, one with alot of attitude and yet delicate sometimes. Beats me.
Then there was an short silence after the fast numbers, where all the lights went out and it leaves us puzzled, about the intermission. After a couple of minutes, a familiar voice came on, without any background music, just pure vocals, qingfeng came out again, and sang us a the full tune of 小情歌, slowly but surely, in all darkness and anticipation. It was the best rendition of 小情歌 I've heard. We're all afraid about him saying he wants to 封歌 for 小情歌 previously.
When he finished, his troupe of strings came in and the whole song was repeated after the strings transited into rock. 四季狂想 came on and it blended well into 左边, as much as i loved always, to listen these 2 songs in this particular order as in the CD tracks. And boy do the instrumetalists were in top notch! What's more impressive than to put difficult skills and well-thought out details into seemingly simple songs. [左边]让我再次的被感动!
In the later half of the concert, qingfeng started to show his true colours. He was sucha chatter.. something i never knew or believed. He spoke jokingly, and made fun of this troupe in a cheeky manner. And boy, 他是个邪星. 真的. Buay paiseh and very 三八. Trust him to confess about his 三八ness. All the more we enjoyed the friendly banter. Admist all the serious rocking and smooth-like-mercedes ballads. And remember I mentioned about the most impressive song I liked about sodagreen? 白日出没的月球. I told him at the autograph session i really liked this and 左边, and he told me to keep a watch out for it. Haha, it came true. The violinists prob gone mad playing the psychedelic tunes, but I felt on cloud 9.
I know qingfeng enjoys making those wierd soulful sounds, as evident in some of the songs, esp towards the end. But i didn't know he could do it so effortlessly. I loved the 2-mic technique: he sings into one at a distance and holds another mic at an angle very near his mouth and the first mic, and it is able to pick up ecos at almost the same or slightly lower volume depending on distance. Manz... shuai!
是我的海. A song that i found out that both my best friend and I liked as we shouted above the loud crowd. we didn't know it until just before the first beat. =)
游乐. And we just forget who we are. As the saying goes: play like a child plays.
And so, near the end of the concert, he joked about how we should protest after the next song, as that was going to be the fake last song, so that they would be ensured the encore cheering will be high enough. Ha! we are all so 'fake' people, right? (sarcastic) Anyway it was damn funny. We practised our cheering and whinning for a few times before it was high enough , and he shouted ' Yea, yea, that's it that's it!' haha... are we all so bu yao lian? After the fake end song, the crowds rushed forwards towards the stage and we voted on our fav songs for encore.. i think 6 of them. At last some 20 minutes conversation from stage to floor. Some kena scolded by qingfeng for voting twice after they confirmed it... hahaha and the scolding sounds real funny la. '这位同学，你老师没教你吗？你老师在哪里？我要请他把你当掉。’very sarcastic. And the encore songs were really a gift. Most songs, i havent paid attention to when i first knew them. songs like 蓝眼睛. I used to hate Angela zhang's voice in it, as her voice doesn't rock, lacks movement and plays down the attitude of the song. But i loved it immediately when qingfeng sang it, asked my friend what song was it. heh.
and songs that I love long time ago:
tanya's 记念
How can they remember so many lyrics and scores off-hand so easily?
我只在乎你 a song i used to sing as a child off my dad's cd stereo, at that time i couldn't understand what the words meant. it is nice to hear the song again, at a more relevant note, and much more closer to heart. I love love love the way his voice breaks at 自己.
close to you. =)
相信. My friend's type of song.手掌里要更多呼吸.
It ended too soon with the crowd craving for more.
Too high already. And they did a out-of-sync bow as always in all their concerts, re-enforcing again, their non-serious child-like attitude in their music.
And the crowd only dissisipated (what a word!) after much coaxing '回家吧，孩子们！'
When we walked out of max pavillion, it was 10 mintues to 12am. The MRT and buses have all left. =) And we eventually took a taxi home, after a one-station ride in a cabin full of sodagreen's fans, some prim-and-proper still in after-office wear, some cool yappies in heavily dyed and damaged hair and street wear, some devoted rock bands with guitars still strapped behind hair backs. It was a great feeling all together, which day do you get all sodagreen's fans 苏打粉 aka soda baking powder aka sodium bicardonate all packed into one cabin and high in spirits.
The spirits kept high for one whole week after the event... I felt happy today, exactly two weeks after the concert, having no regrets to what length i went to go for the concert. i shalln't mention. And i bought their first album, as a collector's piece =)
***********************
人生是否要珍惜
During the taxi ride home, we discussed about the concert, and thought how we always get hoarse voice after a 3hour ktv session and how he is able to sing in full swing for 4 hours without any sign of tiredness. And i believed i enjoyed the concert to a great extend because it was true music played life.
The real collector's item is out on 11 August, a 4-DVD compilation of all their life concerts plus a sodazine. As qingfeng asked in the concert: are we really nicer when listened life than on cd? A resounding YES!. That's why.
Sunday, August 3
Saturday, August 2
Sunday, July 27
庐山真面目
终於找到那首[不是我不明白]的男歌手了
我的天啊我的天啊！！
他的正经是装出来的吗？
简直就是个怪人吗！
对啊！对啊对啊！对啊对啊对啊。
对啊对，对啊！
这样也可以唱成歌，
而且这样的歌也可以红片全台湾，目前，
而且大家都是疯狂的喜欢。
服了， 哈哈。
对啊对啊！
庐山真面目：卢广仲
I like this ugly guy, ha/
对啊对啊！
MV:
Imitation from fans:
HAhahHAhahahHAHaaaaa
His attire is gonna be a hit: old school
mushroom head, big geeky specs, t shirt and berms, high socks in shoes.
Ha!
and he has an enormous grin!
第一个反应：买CD！
**********************************
对啊对啊上瘾的对啊对啊其实在一年前我就看过这个MV非常震撼吓倒对啊对啊
Special edition:
Taiwan Vitas, incorporated some hokkien words.
Warning: do not watch after 10pm.
His hilarious chinese rendition, HA!
Tuesday, July 22
Hours of Life
Walked into the bathroom and i was so happy to see a loofa hanging on the wall
I can't bathe properly without a loofa!
I am spoilt.
And the best time of a weekday,
is this.
When I'm trapped in a space of our mine,
I tend to be very different, maybe cranky.
And I let my thoughts run wild.
I tend to think alot when I bathe,
not really important practical stuffs,
but stuffs which i want to think about.
So let me capture some parts,
unedited, the exact words.
A bunch of light greenish phelgmish-looking gel began to spat out of my welch sports body bath, as I tried to catch it with my loofa. Loofa Loofa, since how long have I whined to mum about the last spoilt one. I believe i have not been rough with it.
And I thought of one upset incident I faced early afternoon today, when a patient actually demanded my name to lodge a complaint because I declined to sell her any cough mixture, i know she is addicted to it. The records shows, and I have for the past 3 months, rejected her many a times, giving her alternatives, suggested her to see a doctor, and she promised me her last time was the last. Today, i did not talk much to her, I did not listen to her stories, because the truth was blatant, she knows it too. So I forcefully drew out my staff pass from the retractable clip stuck on my white coat, and allowed her plently of time to scribble down my name. I rather loose my license or my job than to feed an addict's habit. later on, i saw boss at the photocopying machine, and joked to him to be prepared for a letter of complaint for me. ha!
There's nothing much special today, except for one unexpecting moment, i saw my colleage swivel around her swivel chair and popped a sourish preserved something into her mouth, and I turned and jokingly asked her: Eh are u pregnant? eat those type of thing. And she looked at me, and said " Yes. Shh.. My mouth dropped to the ground. manz.... I took about 10 mins to recover from the shock, she's pregnant!! My god. i can't imagine me being in her shoes, but I can feel the great joy in me. So i congratulated her, some 20 mins later, while she tried to control her nausea. And,... she's quitting her job this month. I just told her I want to be able to see her baby, and that i am really very happy to hear this news. And I starting thinking of life's stages and how one should transit from one to another in an orderly, timely manner. I remember my GP teacher said there is nothing wrong if one should skip or reverse or jump about stages, like marrying and starting a family first, then starting a career.
The newly bought silkpro pink has a nice smell.
And quite suddenly, the lyrics of a familiar song came to me:
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you
Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth
At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by
I remember singing it at a ktv,
and 5 minutes later, while I mumbled the last word,
while waiting for the music to end,
my friend turned to me and asked:
Actually what does the song mean ar?
so she love him or not?
I pondered...and answered:
Er.. actually I dunno leh?
So.
Any one could enlighten us about this nice but puzzling song?
Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly
At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
As i pushed the silver handle to the cold end,
a rude splash of cold water shot through,
and I felt it was some painful necessity I always here from beauty talks,
that cold water can shrink your pores, firm up the skin after the long soak.
I've never loved to bathe.
But I like the feeling of being light and breezy on walking out of it.
And more so, I loved the thoughts i think in that tiny space on earth, and in time.
Walked past the foggy mirror and thought, i looked better without a fringe. Heh.
You know how someone has to take minutes during a meeting?
This is the hours of my Life.
I have never thought of how important or what meaning/purpose does recording a past event has. It has no clear meaning, only for the one who truely matters, or takes the time to think about oneself, and others, in time to come.
********************************
Honesty.
It is a very difficult thing to do.
Sunday, July 20
任时光...
7月6日
帮最要好朋友过生日
7月12日
跟最要好朋友一起去逛街
7月13日
去听一下佛理讲座
这个我要说一说
我发现我其实什么都不懂
听着当天的讨论
还有友教(基督)的朋友举手开问
也是问不出答不出个所以然来
於是我更困惑
离开的时候比进去听的思想更混乱
我想，这是领悟的开始吧。
我也开始明白自己其实并没有一定的宗教信仰
对我来说，
无论你相信的是什么，
只要有原则，是非分明，做个好人，问心无愧，
那就好了。
不投入佛教信仰，
是因为我无法放弃我的人生情趣，感情，任何重要的人，事，物。
因为我的人生不能没有这些，
所以我真的没有没有办法。
但是，很庆幸佛教没有一个固定的神或higher being
因为我们每个人的心中都有一个佛，
只要跟着自己做对的事情就好了。
也所以我不拒绝那么多年以来，
朋友请我到基督教去听教。
我想更明白，
也已经相信有些问题根本没有答案，而且知道了也不重要，
只要活得自在快乐就好。
相信自己。
some people call themselves free thinker.
i believe i think freely too.
也同时感到抱歉没有办法去朋友生日聚会。
有时后，我真的不想太早答应人家任何事情，
把自己给困住。但是，那天还算值得了。
7月14日-18日
开始在儿童诊所服务
我的天啊,
知道我最最年幼的病人居然是1月大而已!?
别把生命当玩笑看待
所以我那星期压力会很庞大
也同时成长了一些。
7月19日
Mass Casualty Exercise
When I saw how serious the porters ran, pushing the trolleys of bed with
injured (pseudo) patients into the makeshift wards/clinic,
when i saw the charred dolls of bodies laid in rows along the alley next
to A & E,
when i saw how daunting it was to see a fast-approaching light-twirling
ambulance,
and then later the back view of it leaving again in hasty,
i felt goosebumps on my arms,
more so,
i began to understand where the passion of my job came from,
and the energy to carry on, with a purpose.
林宥痂的签唱会上
人山人海
害我都看不见
害他必须跳高才能看见后面的人群
只能听见他千变万化的声音
在雨中听林宥痂感觉很特别
因为打伞的话会被后面的人贬
他真的很迷幻.
[病态]简直太厉害了！
So different even mroe sicker than the original cd version! impressive!
Then i walked to bras basah
my secret hideout (not anymore)
to look at books
I picked up this book [the last lecture]
little did i know that i would be leaning against the glass door, bag rested
on the wooden floors, and reading every word in the book.
It got me thinking,
of how much time i have wasted not doing the things i truely want to do,
and why do people always start living a life when they start to know their expiry.
It was a witty and simple book.
That evening, I went across the road and took the bus home,
it was still drizzling abit,
but I spent the cosy night watching tv at my favourite spot on the lavender sofa with my family,
and we talked loudly as per usual.
(别人常误会我家怎么吵吵闹闹的，其实我们说话习惯放大声音，这样才比较正常，
别误会。)
7月20日
妈去同事聚会，豪华奢侈的聚会。
我们就去找pizza喷
觉得弟弟还蛮幽默的，可以跟我比了。厉害。
然后还一起去试穿衣服，
弟弟就喜欢吃甜品，而且很不健康，
所以
I told him about transfat and renamed everything on the menu which says cream or triffle or mouse to transfat, ie: Mango ice-transfat drizzled with raspberry transfat.So i asked: you want chocolate (mouse) transfat or mango transfat
or tiramisu transfat? And we even played dare with my poor little sister, we dared her to go up the counter and order chocolate moouse saying 'I want chocolate transfat, one!'
HahHAHHahahAHHHAaaHHAHAAaaa
We do evil things together sometimes.
The waiter just giggled and served us the chocolate trans-..er.. moouse.
And my bro said:
Wahlao, liddat you no life leh!
You are trying to add hours to their life instead of adding life to your
hours.
Some brother i have.
************************************
任时光匆匆流去，我只在乎你。
心甘情愿感染你的气息。。
人生几何，能够得到知己？
失去生命的力量也不可惜。。
Sunday, June 29
给单身朋友一个大大的微笑
以前看了一本小说
里面写着：
孤单得越久
爱情越值得等待
以前我就常常这么想。
但是
现在我慢慢已经不是这么想了。
因为在我们现状的人生中已经算是完整了，
只要你懂得去追求你想要的东西。
例如跟兄妹们多一些话题了解彼此
例如对父母做出小举动透露一点关心
例如对自己的事业有所冲劲
例如对自己的兴趣而执着
例如对於自己的梦想迈进，
有人说：人因为梦想而会伟大。
就这样渐渐的，
我开始明白原来我们已经是一个完整体了，
并不需要任何额外的元素
我们本来就完整。
所以，要相信你现在已经是完整无却，
在爱情还没有来之前你就已经很完整，
别让爱情夺走你原有的幸福，它只能让你更幸福而不是相反。
同时，别为了期待爱情还没到来而觉得自己哪里不好，你不是。
希望朋友们能更爱自己，打开心胸感受你每一天的周围人事物。
因为，活在幸福当中的人往往不知道他们已经在幸福了。
=)
********************************
最近都没有再看那本书了
好怀念呕。
微笑，怎么大？
快乐星期天
一睡到中午
太棒了
吃了个纤维麦片香蕉早餐和我最爱的英灰奶茶(是这样说的吗？)
perfect!
翻翻报纸，摆脱
我只想看到美好的事物
别破坏我的美好周末。
天气，十分十分二十分热。
热得北极的冰岛都快溶化完了，
where would the polar bears go?
不管了。
先冲个冷澡，
冰一下冒汗的皮肤
感觉，就是：能活着真好！
皮肤速时感觉爽朗，
更庆幸的是我的心情终於好起来了。
^ ^
结束七天的沮丧低落，
拜拜！
*************************
昨天工作结束后，
就感觉一种莫名的解脱。
肚子饿了也要撑到BUGIS吃到KFC
没救了我。
然后逛一下，
就提着桔色包包和一瓶收缩水回家。
原来购物也是一种消遣。
*************************
在bugis street有我喜欢的店： fie japan, accesorise, kinokuniya, slurping monkey (里面
有一名帅气的店员我经过都会check it out没救了我。)
在KINO 瞄到一本蛮有趣的书 [ 一个懒人的日记]之类的，在旁看书的我都会偷笑，
无可救药的无药可救。
然后越来越怕热的我就下楼买一杯pomelo ice red tea，每每都会喝一杯酸甜苦。
我不辣，所以不太喜欢辣的食品。
忘了说，昨天as i was sitting at a white long bench eating at kfc, a group
of guys came in and sat all around me, i don't know if they felt awkward
but i was utterly awkward, sitting smack in the middle of a bunch of guys
whom I don't know, eating and listening to their chatter, as though i had a virtual existence in their gossips. i have never eaten a kfc meal in 10 minutes in my life. I left them with my pepsilight in hand, leaving behind a trial of whispers from the same table. it was awkward looking back at the empty space i sat right in the middle of 10 strangers.
但我终於了解那种狂吞食物后的满足感，哈哈哈哈哈。
******************************
my life is brilliant
my love is pure
i saw an angel of that i'm sure
Friday, June 27
心情非常差
心情非常差
一天工作十三小时没有得claim OT
把自己搞得压力过大没吃早餐晚餐
最后遇到无理取闹的病人我就给点颜色看
同事不积极明明任务还没做好还跟别人说笑
我要求帮忙一起做他却没理我
最讨厌不敬责的人
油腔滑调却一事无成
搞得心情更糟
我快受不了了
早上冲出家门时忘了关窗
妈妈警告过我却忘了也没有时间多想
最后晚上回家时才发现被繁琐在家门外
而且我心情非常暴躁
就换了拖鞋
走在街上
路灯非常沉闷
街头的车好吵
我尿急
也不知道能忍受多久。。。
不愉快别憋在心里太久不然心理会不平衡神经会不健康
想找个发泄处。。。
*********************************
不太熟的朋友靠近我身边
他的嘴他的脸充满事故气味
为何这城市为所欲为？
(我妈是个完美主义者所以不容许暇疵她的范围内只有她的原则规律
有时候，还蛮希望妈能了解我的压力容纳我的坏习惯/不完美)
更需要补眠。
Sunday, June 22
ktv gathering
finally gotta meet up
marina square (again)
2pm
kbox room 20
yea
hasn't seen my uni friends for ..a long time it seems
spent a lazy afternoon singing, listening, and chatting
so nice to see my friend with her bf, 好像有一种放心的感觉
while i try to push the thought of starting work again tmr
it is like a cycle
you just have to think of ways to make it run smoother/faster/easier
i've been to marina square too many times to don't know the way out
they should just rename the place marina circle
*******************
i lurve this song too much
henderson walk and hort park outing
family outing 15jun2008
beautiful place in singapore
i will visit the horticulture park again someday.
**************************
花 一朵交织完美的花
变成半开枯萎的花怎么插？
花 凋谢换来一脸尴尬
不如趁早泡成一杯杏仁茶。
Saturday, June 21
先报告一下
1. 刚请了病假三天：stomach flu 呕吐跟发烧到不行.整个人好像活在迷糊中三天，然后只记得头很痛这件事
2.刚生病好，就立刻去看苏打绿的签唱会。我简直就开心到爆掉，不但拿到全部人签名在我的演唱会门票上，而且我还跟青峰说‘我最喜欢白日出没的月球’而且他回了我‘那你演唱会上要注意了呕’然后还握到手，左手。然后我一整夜没办法睡，隔天还HIGH到不行。。哈 哈
觉得他们非常尊重音乐，注重听者的反应跟互动。完全就把粉丝当朋友没有距离。
也同时领教了青峰的独特刚柔嗓音。太棒了！
但是，演唱会门票让我的口袋破个巨大的洞，钱包伤得血淋淋。
3.当天跟朋友吃饭聊天，知道有人在追她，令我高兴而且欣慰。朋友人真的很好，
她会握着我的手过马路，而且她真的很了解本人，觉得跟她在一起可以尽情的做自
己，不需任何伪装或顾忌。朋友是一个没有限制的溶剂。但是，就是眼光太高。
4.昨晚放工后，性子一来，我就走进发廊去剪头发，手艺不错，建议也给得妥当，就是惊异自己的冲动，让我头发变短很多。走出来的感觉有如凉风漂移的清爽。
5.刚从楼下咖啡庭吃完早餐上来，观察了一个老婆婆，因为我跟人家用同一个桌子。觉得她有一点老年痴呆症，就看她买了食物，也不吃。放着然后玩弄食物，把黑酱油倒在印度食物上，然后用胡椒粉盖了一座山，再去买别的东西。。回来的时候还跟同桌的AUNTIE说食物还不错，价格如何如何。。突然看到这里，我的眼眶觉得热热的。。也不知道是印度食物太辣了，还是浓茶太烧，还是其实是内心的担心跟惋惜。。。我不知道如果是我们的父母亲那会是怎样。。如此辛酸。
*****************************
Sunday, June 8
HaahaAhaaaha
I am finally gonna blog about 太王四神記
It has a good plot and a load of hunky actors, and of cos, a v pretty female lead too. But, more about the guys. Oh boy...
I found for 6 nights endlessly, trying to locate the singer or the title of the OST for this show... and finally, i found him:
An extremely gentle voice, with power coming out only at 2 sentences in the chorus, is what this song needs. 他的气音真的很厉害！And I can feel the emotions of pain and remorse from just the way he pronounces the foreign words. This person.... is someone that i will look out for in future... waiting for cd... woohoo!
And I like this character, HOT hot character in the show, 青龙. Also a hunky guy with straight rebonded hair, strong features, big eyes despite single eyelids, and ,... here's the best: sausage lips... my favourite!! i think he looks beautiful to me, and manly at the same time. Nose bleeds*
ok, i better stop rambling.
********************
YES!
=D
Sunday, June 1
1 week of loneliness
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri
I felt the emptiness of the house the moment the door bangs close. Because the sound vibrates. Because there is no one to shout at me for all my bad habits. This was the awakening call that i would be very much alone for the rest of the week. And so that was how the loneliness begins.
but, loneliness breeds independence and much thought. I boiled the water, wiped the tables, collected the newspaper and left it on the coffee table as if someone will be reading it later in the day. I changed the flower offerings at the buddha table, made myself a simple breakfast by thawing and then cooking a bunch of cheese hotdogs with raw cherry tomatoes, and a cup of my comfort earl grey tea. And before I left home in the morning, had to consciouly remind myself to check that all windows are closed, no heaters are on, no lights on except for a dim spotlight near the door, incase i felt too lonely when i came back that night, at 11pm usually.
And throughout the day at work, i missed home. The home with my family members.
I ironed clothes and cleaned the floor at 1am, when i would be watching youtube at usual times. I read the newspaper and ate my dinner at the coffee table without mummy screaming at me. And i felt wierd. But it gave me alittle comfort to wish everyone a good night when i finally retired to my bed. And a little sms everyday to mummy's handphone made me felt better as well.
And such days went on and on, luckily i had meetings both before and after work to keep me occupied. And it finally came to friday. I went to Giant after work at 9.30pm and bought a bunch of vegetables safe to eat raw. And a can of light beer for whatever reason, maybe to cook pasta with. The bottle of olive oil was too heavy to carry home. Because I wanted to make something for my family, to show them how much they were missed throughout this week. 
the smell of uber fresh rossa lettuce being washed and the feel on my fingers... heavenly.
I love sweet corns, but there are too many of them here.
cherry tomatoes, left over.
crunchy carrot sticks, slippery ont he outside after shaving, heh.
one thing i learnt from watching cooking on youtube is to clear the heart of seeds from the peppers, for a better and mroe acceptable taste.
I don't consume insecticide.
and mix everything together in a salad bowl.
surprise~
left it in the fridge waitin'
And dinner was a sushi platter. easy.
And saturday was a happy day, i went to work well dressed in style. and went to harbour front after work, not really to shop but to pamper myself and be near, to the ones i love. Ate at The hotdog place and this cute patient of mine who comes to get his eyedrops weekly saw me, and smiled and said hi, with his gf looking puzzled beside him, hahaaa. And then, again i saw him at the shops later on, and he bowed friendly to me... hahaa idiot. Actually, i think my patients liked me overall. I am blessed with cute patients i guess. who remembers me.
and spent the afternoon lazing around Page one, at a bench settled under some warm spotlights in a freezing book store, with a great view of the waters dividing simgapore and sentosa. I love how the rain later fell on the wooden planks outside and bounced off the metal railings, dancing on the water surface. Came across this book called 'The World Now' which holds many amazing photos taken by photo journalists from all over the world. some amusing photos to share: (but please don't sue me for copy rights or what, cause i have no bad intentions...i dunno any legal stuffs)
korean women army (laughs the height of raised legs)
naked bodys standing for show at an empty carpark (woohoo, the feeling of openness and that reminds me that everybody is equal, and everyone should learn how to love the body they are in)
and mum called.
I was in heavens.
*********************
The best things in life....
are free.
=D
