i love it when i am at home in the morning and afternoons doing my own stuffs. i like it when the afternoon sun splashes patterns of my curtain on the warm parquet flooring of my room. I love the feel of home at home. haha. When i woke up this morning, i contemplated going to work to catch up on my project, since the dateline i was given was end of this month, and it is MI (mission impossible), definitely. But, but. I just wouldn't. So I laid longer in bed, hunging my cute pillow thinking about what should I do after I get my licence. Where should i work, what do I put in my resume? What do I like eventually? I don't know... but i thank gratefully for a friend who spoke to me yesterday after the lecture, who gave me a heart to heart talk before we part. Manz... thanks for offering my help when i most needed, although I won't take your offer, knowing it will harm us both. 当时你说要帮我，我差点感动得快哭了。毕竟我们认识还不久，你是个真诚的朋友，而我也不知道为什么会交到象你这么好的朋友。 谢谢你，冰淇淋约会，我一定做到。After that, I walked out of hospital, thinking about the stuffs she said, thinking about lots of things... and thinking about how simple minded I am, when everyone has already ... Walking around aimlessly until i met another friend going of for some meeting, and she reminded me that new year is just around the corner.. no wonder chinatown looked so colourful and jammed packed and felt so hot yesterday... so I walked over to pagoda street, thinking about the mango pomelo sago dessert my friends were talking about some time ago... chinatown was packed with tourists, that contrast made me feel more local and down-to-earth than usual.. i dunno how to express that.. anyway, the stall holders are damn funny, when they try to lure u to try their stuffs, 妹妹过来吃，穿短裙的带包包的都有优惠呕。哈哈，简直快笑死。I finally found the stupid shop after walking about 1h long. And a couple of aunties settled ont he same table and started talking to me.. damnz.. why do aunties like to talk to me whenever i appear eating at hawkers or such shops.. this is happening too often to me. And they said, 年轻人不会来这种地方吃东西的。and I did not say: 是啊，世界改变了，你不知道吗？After the dessert, I set off again, and walked around abit more before I saw a pretty green earthy flower designed pillow, Jean Perry bedsheets, and phoned my mum imm. and said about her opinions of the price... and i bought it. Mum said branded (I didn't know that), quality(it felt comfy) and good price(of cos, i was the one paying for it manz).So i happily q-ed up and paid for it, while peeping at a tall and built guy standing infront of me holding the same design , (damnz, means my taste is not normal for a gal lor). So I carried te stuffs, and saw sugar cane drink with lemon, and bought it, and i walked and saw sizzling cheese hotdogs and i bought it. Since it was shopping day, I thought i should get my basics too.. so i went and got some basics..and hopped on a bus to orchard. But the shopping there was not fruitful, got bored walking around after awhile, so i settled at a western food store and ordered some food... minutes later, the waitress came out and told me there are out of rice... manz.. so i found another eating place and settled down, only to see the waitress spill her soyasauce all over my shopping stuffs... great. After that was done, I walked out to find a toilet to see.. gasp... see... gasp.. my TA!! after 1 year... after that day i saw him with his extremely-pretty-slim-and-sweet girlfriend, I still managed to see him again. hahahaaaaa, anyways, his girlfriend wasn't present, and wats' amazing was he managed to spot me from afar.. gasp... and watch me walk past, while still entertaiing his friends.. manz.. almost went made. And when I walked out of the toilet, I walked past the restaurant again, and he was still there waiitng in the queue, and looking at me like he saw me before somewhere... HAHAHA... HAHA HAHAAAA... felt happy just walking past him and pretending i was busy with something else.. hahahhahaaaaaaaa. okok. stay cute and crappy ok, TA. And may we meet again, though I used to (used to) have a crush on you, but that was just a crush. I crush all the time.. just kidding. And I walked past this hair salon, and decided to go in for a trim.. the trim... was making me fall asleep, as the hair dresser handled my hair with extreme care, combing and twisting it like it was some silk. and the movements made me doze off. looking at the reflection, i thought my hair was quite good and didn't need a trim.. btu anyway... I needed a few moments of sleep... so i paid for the sleep and told her not to do anything too cute or funky to it. And i walked out the store looking the same. Some day, I would cut off my locks and get a stylish bob, or maybe dye it burgundy, but.. for the moment, i love my hair the way it is. No one dares cut my fringe cos I cut it myself... . After the hair cut, I saw some nice slippers and bought a pair to replace my current dirty one which is busy falling apart. And just before I reached the bus stop, i saw this funky nurse at my ward i did for independent day, and was had a chat... and i asked her ' Why do i always see you ar?' even at orchard, manz... and she promised me to make fun of me whenever i visit her ward from now on.. manz... thanks. luckily no shuai doctor in her ward. And the day ended well when i returned home to find it empty.. which means I can start using the piano, and my voice.
Do not,
ask me how much i spent yesterday,
there is more to come.
it is gonna be new year!
yeah!
**************************************************
天上风筝在天上飞
地上人儿在地上追
我若担心我不能飞
我有你的草原
and saw this doraemon car.. and quickly flished out my hp to catch this funny sight.
and saw how this magnificant glass building looked like in the day.
and saw this building/shop selling.. what!!?? Forever living Products.. what's that?
and took a picture of my next destination before i crossed the road.
and saw this pretty dress and thought if i should try it.. why not?
Sunday, January 27
Yeah weekends!
Saturday, January 26
Every 8 post
这天
够深刻了吗?
来躺下吧.
让我轻抚你安慰 伤害我後的疲累
够尖锐了吗?
看我的疤...
用温柔包覆勇敢 给喘息的你笑脸
生命从来不觉得自己对谁该负责任
太多虚伪情节的表面模糊陌生的眼
请让我在你身边 一起穿越这条街
请让我在你身边 一起纪念
够痛快了吗?
我知道啊..
躲在你利刃之内 骄傲的自卑作祟
够鲜艳了吗?
血染的花.
被你刺满的双手 此刻擦乾你眼泪
生命从来不觉得自己对谁该负责任
我们看了编造的谎言就如此轻易
将彼此划成碎片
太多虚伪情节的表面模糊陌生的眼
请让我在你身边 一起穿越这条街
请让我在你身边 一起纪念这一天
总有一天我们都死去
丢掉名字的回忆再没有意义
总有一天我们都忘记
曾为了一个越演越烂的故事伤心
总有一天我们都叹息
笑着缅怀有过的愚蠢的美丽
就让现在过去
让我握你的手 让你握我的手
彻底了解颤抖 你会知道我
让我握你的手 让你握我的手
彻底了解颤抖 你会知道我
让我握你的手 你会知道我
让我在你身边 一起穿越这条街
请让我在你身边 一起纪念这一天
透过我的眼泪看你的脸
自由是我们需要的特权
你笑了 我笑了 笑了
这一天
**********************************
我等这个机会等很久了。
看看他的歌词， 好棒啊！好大胆。
Friday, January 25
气
地铁上的坐位巴士上的坐位象宝，象是金做的，
谁都想枪。 这么好抢。
我就站在一个要下车的搭客旁边，我不想坐。
但是后面有一群腿软到不行的人，想得到那个金做的坐位。
推来推去。这么厉害。干脆把我也退下车好了。
你想做，我想让。但是不礼貌的行为我原银奉还，
我不卫生的眼光陪你度过剩下的路程好了，
你就坐在你的金做的坐位上。
气。
工作的地方有一个中年uncle
我想他这辈子最厉害就是抽烟
一直抽，一直抽，抽抽抽
每小时都来一次。
走进工作室的他就好像一个点着的会走动的烟筒(？)
不时散发出会闷到你想呕吐的气味
我们就陪你在小小的工作室里
吸二手烟
很快的，有一天配的药会在自己面前出现。
摆脱，不要再那么臭了。
有时候，人会做出一些自己也不知道为什么的事情。
明明知道是错的，也是。
为什么？为什么？
在医院里工作，我想最基本的原则是应该尊重生命，每一个工作人员应该一定要这样。
气。
我就知道，当我开始进社会工作，一定有些事都会无可奈何的。
懒散，但是你要装做很勤劳的样子，要装很难，最后就真的变成很勤劳。
无奈，有些事情你不想做，但是别人吩咐别人请求最后自己还是不能说不，就真的去做。
不开心，不能表露在脸上不能表达在语气里或行为上，因为工作需要大家同心协力的合作，不配合就是不对， 强忍强忍就真的没有不开心了。
不想上班，不能即使请假因为会影响到每个人的工作程序，请假也要排队，要计划，好像你能知道你哪一天会突然不想上班，会突然想去度假。 (我觉得这样太刻意了，太离谱了。所以我到现在还没有动到请假单，什么乱七八糟，我不懂。)
疲累，你还是必须上班，因为你的工作是人家用钱来交换的，需要每天预定的准时送到，疲累疲累还是上班来了。
工作，好像会逼你离开你最真实的那一面，抛弃你的性格抛弃情绪，放弃你基本的需要。
如果这样就是成长我宁可永远都是未成年算了。
为什么人类会创造出这些奇怪的规则？
不知道，但是我会去明白，我也会配合。
气。
工作了7个月，
我想我开始看见成人世界的一些作法行为，
不明白也要接受，不然就淘汰吧。
想想看我如果被淘汰了该去哪里？
我是一个很不成人的人，那天某某指责我说我好像活在自己的世界里的人，我就非常低落，伤心了好几天，我都没说没放在这里，反省了数遍，我开始学习怎么从我的‘世界’里脱离，活活有别人的世界。什么狗屁，说我。看不出吗？ 我在认真的时候，就是这个样子，就是很专著。我以为这样很平常。但是，你说我错了。好吧，
那就错了。
我会想办法，让我看起来象活在你的世界里。OK？
工作就是态度。
今天，
我心情不错，
因为我也可以逼自己相信我的心情很不错。
终於，工作教了我如何克制我那个可怕的坏脾气。
所以，一整天我逼自己保持愉快，就真的愉快起来了，就不会生
气。
好奇怪。
***************************************
气死我了。
半夜，还没吃晚餐的我，语无伦次的‘气’并没有太大的意义。
只是想温习如何发泄情绪，呕吐想法，放一放屁。
真的只是语无伦次。
Mango cheesecake waiting for me.
但,我的蛋糕溶化了。。。
Tuesday, January 22
好久没来了
今天终於把东西都赶完，交了。 心情轻松很多。原来我是一个会给自己压力的人, 而且我又不会应付压力，过几天来的坏脾气使我受不了自己，但是身边懂我的人都知道我是无意的，真的。现在，接下来，还有，很多很多，更恐怖的，。。。不是怕面对压力，而是会害怕我忘了怎么去过个正常人的生活。 因为这几天我早上两点
开始作事情，天亮我就上班，天暗我就继续做事情，睡觉两小时，每天。早餐来不及吃，晚餐店都关了。有时候，还会想想。。。有没有其他的行业那么拼命的。。。然后，上司也常说我应该多读点书。。。简直我快疯掉了。 不知道为什么，我跟身边的同事一样，越来越拼命。。。耳濡目染，习以为常。
但是，到了现在，可怕的是，
我还觉得我做的不够。
以前我笑朋友太workaholic
现在又不由自主的变成另外一个
我们都没有办法
大家都一定一样
大家。辛苦了。
再过两个月，考到执照的那一天，我们都可以睡觉了。
我好饿。
********************************************
吃得起苦中苦，方为人上人。
我比较会吃苦瓜，但是不喜欢吃苦。
昨天回到家，
什么都不想做，不想去想，
倒在床上，
开了音乐，
灯关，
听着苏打绿的音乐很美。。
歌词很喜欢。。
全身的筋骨瞬间让我一起痛起来，
仿佛告诉我，我还是个人。
工作，13个小时都在走动都在班东西都在赶时间，
正常人一定会痛。
听着，听。。我快睡着了，
但是。。。不。可。以。
对吧。。。
我起床，开始做事情。
对不起我的枕头，一天只能和你2小时，可爱的枕头哈哈。
不要写了，
要把桌面换成工作式，
好久不见的再见。
** 听[左边]， 听了我很想哭，唯一一首让我‘看见’一种爱的歌。不懂怎么形容，
朋友说不好听，但是我就是很喜欢， 一直repeat.
时间往前冲 冲散了你和我 冲散心跳脉搏
在转角之后 扣上故事门锁 请你张开双手 让我死在怀中
握你的左手 散落在我手中的是温柔
曾经给你太多 伤心过 后总会宽阔
握你的温柔 散落在我心中的是错过
我需要寂寞 来抚摸
也许就逐渐忘了有多久
Saturday, January 12
today...
had a major test and i think i flunk it, but nvm, i shall worry about it later. and then i picked my final test date and it happened to be the first day of the series, the earliest timing.. speaking of bad luck. and then did not do any rounds, i just spent my time reading the stuffs i had to go thru for today and she is kind enough to let me stay and read, i mean i feel bad enough going up without preparing. And antibiotics is not exactly my strongest subject.. prob one i hated most. and then there is this impromptu feedback she gave and it made me really demoralised cos i felt i hadn't been studying hard enough and reconsidered my choice of job infuture.. i mean seriously... and then so i went back and had a chat with my friends and they got the same shit too... so... no surprises.. but anyway i was thankful for the advice and i think what she said was right.. just that maybe we are too stupid to make it or it takes time to do it...maybe i am slow learner or something. anyways.. today ended well as i made my way (feeling like a pile of shit, i mobile pile of shit) to suntec for dinner at NYDC. didnt have the appetite for anything since i hadn't been eating dinner for the past n days due to my paramounting project work, and readings. so i ordered this mudpie ice cream thinggy... and it turned out to be an icecream-cake... wasn't what i expected but anyway, good try... i'll try something else in future. wasn't too into food just now, just needed some sweet and sinful indulgence to console myself.. without much success. But the feeling of chatting over dinner with my close frens of 7 years is a very cosy feeling...then we were discussing about plans for lao yu sheng on CNY day until i suddenly remembered.. i was put on duty for CNY day 1...
SHIT
**********************
And they say that bad luck doesn't come alone
and it is true.
-- in need of luck --
office politics
该说
还是不该说？
谁是好的
谁是坏人？
我什么都不知道
不知道，不知道
局外人
旁观者
袖手旁观?
最好是这样.
oh well,
life goes on.
*****************
总是得到很多
多得麻木自我
曾经失去很多
多到放弃自我
。。。 。。。
来得及睁开眼睛
我会永远相信
扎入心的水滴
Monday, January 7
平凡中的。。。
在地铁站里人来人往太匆忙 我也是
一个妇女勾到了我的脚 让我跌下
回头看看她只是笑笑 不说道歉 几秒种
换来了我一天的‘白卡’和两个星期不能穿短裙
后者比较难受
但是还好没事 只是现在没有太好看的膝盖而已
吃饭前等朋友 不小心勾到朋友电脑的线
电脑替我跌到 谢谢。 算了我宁可我自己再跌一次
反正黝青比修电脑还来的划算 还好也没事
吃饱饭后开工 回到我负责的ward
一个棺材经过 那边那个床上的某某人过世了
早上还看过他的case
现在不用了
回家途中 随身听播着苏打绿的歌
太美 我开始又入眠
旁边坐这女生一直打喷嚏 把细菌传给我
我还是继续待在模糊睡眠中
走向前 走向前 好像没有不对
*************************************
。。。无常
Sunday, January 6
没有标点符号的话题
最近没有什么特别的烦恼之类只是在想tank最近心脏病复发进医院的事让我很担心以后万一再也听不到他的创作了该怎么办ohno毕竟他跟我的年龄相差不大所以更在乎身体的保养工作尽量而止不要作死自己就好便希望周遭的朋友我在乎的人也别对自己太苛刻注意饮食多喝喝水 别喝其他的有的没的喝出糖尿病或肝衰 有时人是很健忘的需要威胁或提醒 因为每个人都会害怕面对死亡更无法面身边的人的离开有人说 人死了最难过的往往是留下来的人 how true 然后最近自己开始担任负责一个ward觉得忙得透不过气而且自己的能力显得更渺小所以我会更积极的学习能帮助病人的东西 压力大也是在训练如何控制好情绪 然后今天很轻松的上早课也没有什么啦只是讨论我们的将来工作发展的机会然后就跟某某公司的经理人吃饭他们请客要说服我们这些菜鸟加入他们的行业 我才知道什么是应酬 日本餐真的很贵 天啊 觉得钱不应该这么花但是别人有的是钱那我还能说什么 然后雨就下得突然又大 我到bugis 又是bugis 去跟朋友买朋友的生日礼物结果自己也非常有收获 原来可以在clubmarc 找到合身又看起来ok的裙 太好了 我一定再回去 然后跟朋友难得的晚餐闲聊又谈起爱情这个恼人的话题 我说我没有什么新鲜的可以报 却跟她聊了一个钟头的爱情观 好朋友就是这样两个月不见彼此还是可以完全没有距离感的直接进入话题 我想我说的那些东西大概她听了几百边但是她还是在那边又听又给回应 你这个朋友也太好了吧 然后她就开始说她在公司里的那个爱情状况 简直就是复杂又坎坷的看起来不怎么好 但是他的主动真的是勇气可加 但是我这个朋友她绝对OK 我对她将来的爱情道路非常有信心 你OK的啦 然后我们又继续逛 到店门都关上为止 回家路上我走到偏僻的巴士站搭空巴士回家想说好好的坐下休息走了整天的高跟鞋的脚 才发现我太容易入眠了 哪里都可以睡的怪癖 妈妈说这样很危险 我懂啊 但是我是那种白天会用尽体力精神的人然后到晚上东西结束的时候才发现操劳过渡身体太累 所以入眠是立刻而且不省人事的那种 完了 没有标点符号的这篇到此为止
**********************************************************
这真的是一个没有标点符号的entry 三条线
this is a horrible junk
没有标点符号让人读得辛苦乏闷无趣所以之限制在部落格里
人生需要充满标点符号
